Run Away and Join the Circus (at least for one year) ~ 2017/18 Ella

On September 10th my Journey started. In twenty hours I flew from Düsseldorf (Germany) to Cincinnati (USA) to become a volunteer at Circus Mojo.

About me:

My name is Ella. I just turned nineteen years old and I love doing circus (especially to ride the unicycle). I started doing it at the youth circus Configurani in 5th Grade. There I learned how to juggle, spin poi, play the diabolo, ride the unicycle, to do partner acrobatics and teach all of it to younger children. When I finished school 2017, I wanted to do a one year break from the studying before I go to the university and fill it with a volunteering service. Through Internationale Jugendgemeinschaftsdienste IJGD I found the social circus project Circus Mojo.

My year at Circus Mojo was an adventure. I had my ups and my downs, but all in all I am very happy that I got this opportunity.

My work here was diversified.

The Hospital:

One of our main tasks was the work in the hospital. We dressed up colorful and brought the circus into the waiting room of the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital.

Usually we did a little show for the kids and taught them later how to spin a plate and balance feathers. It was need work, not just the kids liked to get a little distracted from the hospital atmosphere, their parents and the staff enjoyed us too.

Circus Wellness Specialists Nellie and I

One day at the hospital was special. I probably won’t ever forget it. The day started normal. Paul and I were doing a little show at the Orthopedics waiting room. Then a family with two girls came in. One of the girls, I think she was around eight years old, was sitting in a wheel chair. She had no hands and just parts of the upper arms, with which she controlled her automatic wheelchair.

I went to the girls and asked them if they could help me with my juggling and pick the color of the ball I should my tricks with. Both of them helped me great.

Usually our next step would be teaching feather balancing to the kids, but you usually need your hands to balance a feather so I thought it would be unappropriated to offer this to a child with no hands.

But one girl saw the peacock feathers on our circus cart and asked us what they are for, so we showed them how to balance them on hands and fingers and gave one to each girl one.

The girl in the wheelchair picked the feather with her toes and balanced it the other foot through steering the wheelchair in the right direction. I was so impressed by her and it was awesome how much fun she had balancing the feather. She was really talented, her foot balancing was so much better than mine. I have to admit that I underestimated her and I am so glad that she proved me wrong through circus. This showed me one more time the power of circus, which connects people and empowers them.

Classes:

Another important part of my work at Circus Mojo was teaching circus.

We had a lot of different kind of classes (at schools, events, the children´s home, for the kids from Ludlow and at the Circus Mojo summer camp). Learning circus skills gives children a lot. I teaches them to don’t give up. Especially when you learn to juggle, you HAVE to drop the balls a lot of times before you succeed, but at the end your hard work will pay off. And you can show your new skills and earn the applause for it.

They learn that it makes so much more sense to juggle than to goof around, when they are bored.

Shows:

Last, but not least we have shows. If you are a performer at Circus Mojo, you have to learn to improvise, be spontaneous and flexible. I needed a little bit time, but by now I got used to the “Circus Mojo style“.

The last year I performed in over 150 shows. I performed at birthday parts, art events (Blink), sport events (Red´s Baseball, Bengals Football), schools, colleges, restaurants, bars, parades, in churches, concerts, on TV and an amusement park.

Some shows were good organized and for some we had to improvise a lot, but at the end we made the audience always happy and that´s what counts.

When I first came to America, my English wasn’t good at all. But by now it is normal for me to lead as a ringmaster through circus shows. The shows built my self confidence.

Tate and I in the 4th of July Parade

I learned a lot during my year here. Sometimes I felt overwhelmed, but we worked on it and I grew into my tasks. I am really happy that I didn’t give up. That is what you learn at the circus, to keep on going even, if you drop. And I dropped a couple of times.

One time I tried for example to free mount giraffe unicycle and broke my foot. It really annoyed me at first. I had problems with the American Health Care System, I couldn’t walk and even worse I couldn’t unicycle for weeks. So I focused on my juggling and managing the backstage during shows and it wasn´t too bad anymore.

My host family:

Another reason why I am so happy that I did this is year is that I got a second family. Through circumstances I moved into the house from Penny, who worked at BIRCUS and her family became my host family. I am so glad that I got to meet them and I will miss them so much.

Penny, her husband Frank and their whole family are just great people and they helped me a lot.

Traveling:

Another Highlight of my year is the traveling I did. I got to see so many different parts of the USA.

Penny and Frank showed me Canada, Buffalo, Michigan and California.

When my family came to visit me during Christmas we went up to New York and Washington DC.

Then I visited my uncle and aunt in Florida and a friend of mine in another circus project in Costa Rica. So many adventures I can’t decide, which one the best one was. They were all special on their own way

I could write so much more about my time in the USA, but that would probably make this article a little long.

But I actually did write more about my time here. This is the link to my blogs, which I made during my time here, if your are interested in more.

https://ella-freiwilligendienst-circus.jimdo.com/

https://ella-freiwilligendienst2.jimdo.com/

All in all I can say that the last year was totally different from what I expected, but I am very happy how it turned out. I learned a lot of things the last month and got to meet awesome people.

It will be very hard for me to leave this all behind me, when I get on the airplane tomorrow.

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Welcome to the Circus Mojo Community Foundation Blog!

The Circus Mojo Community Foundation  (Formerly the Social Circus Foundation) INC is a nonprofit (501c3) which raises funds to support programs utilizing circus as a tool for social change.  Most of the recipients of these funds have limited resources and economic, physical or mental challenges. The funds serve as a clearinghouse for scholarships and to educate and study the application of circus in non-traditional settings. 

Board Members:

Board Chair
Louis (“Tres”) Kutcher PhD
Chair, Biology Department at University of Cincinnati Blue Ash College

Secretary
Cherie Haas
Online Editor
ArtistNetwork.com

Treasurer
Jason Deller
Guardian Savings Bank
Mortgage Loan Advisor

Sara Warner
Recreation Therapist
St. Elizabeth Hospital

 

Past Board Members

Sean Sweeney
Assistant Vice President and Director – Information Technology at
Cincinnati Insurance Company

Dave Schroeder
Executive Director, Kenton County Public Library

Jene Galvin

Community Organizer

 

The Corporation intends to provide three main programs that will use the circus as a tool for social change and in medical settings:

1-   Approximately one-third (1/3) of the Foundation’s attention will be focused on using circus to improve the lives of the mentally and physically disabled. The Foundation has already partnered with Children’s Hospital of Cincinnati, Ohio to provide programming for hospitalized children, and hopes to expand to other medical non-profits in the future.

2-   Another approximately one-third (1/3) of the Foundation’s attention will be focused on vocational training. The Foundation will provide will provide job training and skill sets focused on the circus industry to the underprivileged in an effort to give them the tools they need to sustain livelihood and be productive members of society.

3-   The remaining one-third (1/3) of the Foundation’s attention will be focused on education. Specifically, the foundation will study the impact of social circus in medical settings and as a tool for social change. The data collected will be used to study impact of circus on an individual’s mental and physical health, and to support social circus work in group homes, detention centers, and medical facilities.

A Month with the Circus

My name is Katie Anne Headley, and I spent a good part of the month of May with Circus Mojo as an intern on my Senior Search project.  I have recently graduated from The Summit Country Day School, in Cincinnati, Ohio.  Every Summit senior class, for years, has had the opportunity to leave the classroom and explore an interest outside of the classroom for the last month of their senior year.  I wanted to do something unexpected, unique, and fun with my time…  

 The first encounter I had with Circus Mojo was in 2010 at an event called CirqueDevou.  I am a violinist of 13 years, and was at Devou Park to see an orchestra concert, but was captivated by the circus performances that were going on in front of the orchestra players.  My family and I began to follow Circus Mojo – I learned how to spin a plate at a Florence Freedom game about a year later.  The fun experiences I had observing the circus are what led me to choose Circus Mojo and Paul Miller as the focus for my Senior Search.

I met with Paul and I told him that I knew nothing and that I was open to anything.  I simply wanted to learn new things, see the “behind-the-scenes circus,” and test myself.  My expectations were exceeded in every aspect.  The saying “time flies when you’re having fun” definitely applies to my time with Circus Mojo.

I never knew what was in store for me each day I arrived in Ludlow.  This was an adjustment for me.  I am a planner.  Working with Paul was not what I was used to, but I think it was very good for me.  I learned that with a small business and a mission such as Circus Mojo’s, sometimes you just have to go with the flow.  And, I loved the adventure that was a part of circus.  My month was an adventure that took place all over Northern Kentucky and Cincinnati.

The people I met while working at Circus Mojo were my favorite part of my experience.  I met people from Ludlow, but also from around the world.  I met Renee Harris, who told me about the history of Circus Mojo and about the character of its founder, Paul Miller.  I met Penny Flaven who showed me how hard work and dedication get the job done.   I met Ginny Gibben, who taught me about all of the applications circus could have.  I met Amber, Bradley, and Bear – 3 fellow high schoolers from Ludlow – who showed me how circus can bring people together and offer up experiences of a lifetime.

I met Evelyn and Damian who were two examples of positivity and humility as well as two friendly and loving people.  I met Renee, Hope, and Lucas Miller who showed me how to live a fun, but purposeful life.  I met Donald Keme, from the country of Togo, who showed me how to stay focused and follow your dreams.  I met so many more people that taught me much more.  I am very grateful for everyone I was exposed to – they were an inspiration.  Whenever I met someone at Circus Mojo, I felt as if I was already friends with them.

I learned skills at Circus Mojo beyond how to juggle and spin a plate.  I was a part of many projects – some administrative, somecreative, and some simply out of necessity (such as learning how to jump a car).  One of my favorite projects made me feel like I was a part of history.  Towards the beginning of my time with Circus Mojo, Paul and I pulled several cardboard boxes from a closet, each filled with hundreds of White Tops circus magazines.  My task was to use a large flatbed scanner to scan the magazines so that they could be digitized (published online).  This was, at first, a daunting task; I was on my own and I had never used a scanner before.  However, I sat down at a desk, and I problem-solved.  I organized the magazines and learned how to scan them all on my own.  I felt a great sense of satisfaction when Paul posted the first magazine (originally published in 1934) to Facebook.

I took note every day of the skills Circus taught me that I could take with me beyond Ludlow.  I learned that in the circus, you must work as a team.  Paul told me as I worked with his son Lucas that there was an element of “forced cooperation” when you’re being taught circus skills by someone who is half your age.  However, I loved the small interactions I had with both of his extremely talented, bright, and energetic children.

Everything – especially juggling – takes practice.  You must work hard for what you want.  I learned to deal with frustration and use this frustration to instead further motivate myself.  I learned to perform.  “Don’t bite your lips, Smile,” Paul would say to me while I practiced my juggling.  It’s important as a circus performer to perform to the audience and make what you are doing seem effortless.  I learned to step out of my comfort zone.  While doing school gigs or company workshops, I had to find the self-confidence to not only perform to people, but also teach them.  I learned from watching the excellent and very confident performers I was around each day.  I was taught to be fearless, and to just put myself out there.

Some fearless performers I spent some time shadowing were Paul, and his friend Diane who both work at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, as a part of a wellness program.  I was so intrigued by all of the good that circus can bring to the Hospital.  I saw, first hand, how the simple act of balancing a peacock feather on your hand brings so much joy to an ill or injured child.  

I read part of a book that I found in the office titled Behavioral Health Protocols and Treatment Plans for Recreational Therapy.  Circus was considered a type of medicine; a type of therapy.

I also learned the significance of teaching others while I was at Circus Mojo.  Amber, Bear, & Bradley – three circus performers who are more skilled than me and younger than me as well – were my teachers most days.  It was eye-opening to me to have my own peers teaching me skills.  I was amazed at their talent, humbled by how willing they were to teach, and blown away at how effective their teaching was.  We had a lot of fun and even managed to make me into a beginning juggler.  I hope that all of my teachers and mentors know that while they are working to teach others circus skills, they are also empowering their students, like me.

It was exciting to see progress at the Circus.  I surprised myself by learning how to juggle, walk on stilts, and spin the diablo in under a month.  I also saw the progress made in different projects I worked on around the office and the progress of others!  It was very encouraging.  I realized that if you put your mind to something, you can achieve it.  I loved seeing how mostly everything eventually ended up okay in the end.

Renee Harris joked with me at the beginning of my internship that Paul knew everyone in any circus ever.  But as a started to get to know him, I found that this statement was pretty accurate.  As I watched from the large office windows, I could see the people of Ludlow walking by.  Almost every single one of them knew Paul, or knew about the work Circus Mojo was doing.  The same could be said of when we walked the halls of Children’s hospital, or visited a local school.  I could see the impact that circus had on the community.  Paul was also the one who introduced me to people from around the world.  Paul always looked for reasons to defend his work and prove to the world that circus is much more than what it is sometimes stereotyped to be.  He helped me set up a LinkedIn profile to further the connections I made during my time with the circus.  Before I left, Paul told me that I was family.  I am so grateful to now be a part of the circus community/family.  Thank you, Circus Mojo!

 

THANK YOU KATIE ANNE and to your parents and school for helping us expand our reach and mission!

Becoming a Performer: Manuel Garcia

The last blog post I wrote for Circus Mojo was my beginnings with the company and my start of trying to bring joy through Circus. In that first year, my technical skills expanded rapidly, as I learned the various circus disciplines, such as balancing and object manipulation, in concert with the “Mojo philosophy.”

Since then, I would say that I have moved beyond rote abilities like juggling and reciting clowning bits to becoming a performer and an artist. My skills have improved, it’s true- I can juggle two diabolos, run a five ball juggling pattern, and complete sixty casino shows in a month. But the way that I grew the most was in learning to deal with the situations that can’t be anticipated.

I became very comfortable in taking on leadership responsibilities. So often, decisions had to be made to ensure Circus Mojo’s everyday activities went smoothly and because that organization uses an apprenticeship model and I learned to step up and not expect decisions to be made for me. If responsibilities were forgotten (dropping the ball, as it were), I didn’t need anyone to ask me to pick up the slack, it just became second nature.

The group who lived at Mojo got into the habit of planning for a day the night before. This involved assigning gigs and tasks, loading the van with everything we needed, and writing a list of any last-minute things we might need to grab in the morning. We customized our show, adjusting the acts and interactions to fit the age, size, and demographics of the different audiences we encountered. As a group, we became experts at performing in the show while simultaneously running our own music and taking photos. In particular, Rachel, Kira, Rosa, and I became so comfortable in working together that we were able to form an hour (or more) show at a moment’s notice. We were also able to adapt that show to include various performers, including others from the troupe or guests from out of town.

One of my favorite groups to work with was the boys from the Children’s Home of Northern Kentucky (CHNK).  They were always eager to learn and excited to try new things. In particular, the diabolo was very popular among them. Whenever one of them would get a trick for the first time, they’d call me over to watch, and it struck me that my approval would be so meaningful to them. As soon as they had the trick down, they asked for more. What I also loved was realizing that I could capture the boys’ attention without raising my voice. They respected me because I listened to them, rather than making assumptions about them. At CHNK and in other classes, I learned my own style of handling situations.

This was vital for the two years I spent as Mojo’s summer camp director. I was the person who was planning each week’s day-to-day events, as well as the go-to whenever we needed to deviate from any plan. Before summer camp began, we had contingency plans for various situations: where kids could go if they needed a break, what to do if it was too hot to have groups outside, etc. But of course, not every [situation] can be planned for. When those unexpected wrenches were thrown into our plans the Mojo staff became able to deal with them flawlessly. The most difficult days to navigate were when we needed to split our team to cover summer camp, work at the hospital, and various gigs…Sometimes all at the same time!  During those hectic times we’d have to ask Ginny (our fearless manager and roustabout) or Joe (her cousin who’s worked with us in the past) to step in at summer camp to lend a helping hand.

When I came to Mojo, I already had many of the basic skills that I used in shows; I could already juggle, perform with fire, and other object manipulation. Although these skills certainly improved over the past two and a half years, what sticks with me is the idea that being a performer is about being able to deal with whatever is being thrown at me. It’s about all of the heavy lifting that goes into making a show. It’s about preparing an act and performing it in front of an audience…and then changing it on the spot if something isn’t working. It’s about meeting new people and meeting ever-changing expectations. And rolling with all of it (on a big red ball). And in doing this, I have brought some joy through circus.

One Year, Two Months, and Eighteen Days; or, How I Learned to Juggle

I graduated from Kalamazoo College in June 2015. My plan was to hitch a ride with a friend to Ludlow, Kentucky two days later to begin my work with Circus Mojo. The night before we were scheduled to make the drive, though, my friend’s car broke down and wouldn’t be available for a day and a half. I was panicked. This was my first job out of college and I was going to be late. I sent an email to Paul Miller, a man whom I had never met, and had only spoken to over the phone once, and explained my situation. “How can we help?” was his simple reply. I was surprised by Paul’s nonchalant response, but as I began to work with Mojo, it became clear that the staff was trained to work with situations like these as a daily occurrence.

Change of plans at the last minute? No problem.

The client has a particular request? We’ll take care of it.

Teach a class in the day and perform five shows that night? Bring it on.

Job titles are tricky because nobody at Mojo performs just one role. For instance, I am a
counselor at summer camp, a “Circus Wellness Specialist” at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, the girl holding the camera and making various promotional videos, and a playmate to the various kids who hang out in our parking lot.
Often all in one day.

“Everyone at Mojo has to juggle,” Paul had told me when I was first applying. At the time I took that to mean that I needed to master a three ball cascade- and that was true, it needed quite a bit of work. But that was only part of it.

I needed to juggle Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Keeping up with events, contacts, and pictures could have been a position all on its own.

I needed to juggle hospital shows, birthday party shows, and school shows. Each performance has its own feel, and knowing the stage and the audience was something that took time to grasp.

I needed to juggle shows, workshops, and strolling gigs. And within each gig was juggling the performance, music, and pictures.

As a staff, we got very good at juggling our responsibilities and working through unexpected challenges. At various events, the clients and other performers would acknowledge how willing we are to shift our own plans around to better suit their needs, from postponing our event half an hour to changing the entire format of our show at a moment’s notice, all without compromising the quality of the performance.

My time in Ludlow is coming to a close. I’m saying a lot of goodbyes, and leaving a lot of people behind. But I’m taking a lot with me as well. Now, in addition to being able to juggle three balls (sometimes four!), rings, and clubs, catch ten hula hoops around my waist, and keep any number of plates spinning, I have a sizable skillset of non-traditional circus abilities, as well.

My sister is coming to pick me up in a few days and we’ll be driving up to Minnesota together, where I’ll begin my next adventure. And while I certainly hope her car doesn’t break down during the trip, I know I’ll be able to handle it if it does.

Joey’s Story: Germany 2016

In 2012 Joey met Circus Mojo as a patient at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital in the waiting room of Orthopaedics, where he learned a few tricks and convinced his amazing mom to let him join the circus. Fast forward four years . . . Joey is  out of Ortho and on tour with us in Germany. 

I loved my visit to Germany with Circus Mojo and Pimparello. This was my first time out of the country and only my second time on an airplane. I was so excited when the creators of Mojo and Pimparello invited me on this trip. I spent the summer training, preparing and saving money for this amazing experience. It was worth every bit of hard work.

I had so much fun at Pimparello and learned a lot of new skills and tricks. I loved the training and getting to learn new styles and arts I had never seen or had the opportunity to learn in America. I especially liked learning the European style of juggling, which is much more energized than American juggling. I enjoyed seeing the landscape and scenery of the beautiful country and I made plenty of friends over there. I loved learning how to do two diabolos and learning how to juggle four balls.

I loved performing with Pimparello in multiple beautiful locations in Germany. We visited two waterparks and major cities like Stuttgart. We got to try German food and drinks. Everything there was carbonated, even the water. We tried many German candies. My favorite was Milka Milka Oreos, which is a chocolate bar with Oreos in it. What we call a Milky Way Bar is called a Mars Bar in Germany.

Germany is much cleaner than America. It was rare to see litter or gum on the ground. It was cooler there but it made it easier to perform since you did not sweat as much. I will definitely take warmer clothes though if I get the opportunity to go back since it would get really cool while sleeping in the tent.

I made incredible friendships with the Americans I traveled with, as well as the Germans, refugees and people from all over the world who I met. I learned a little bit of the German language and experienced a lot of the culture.

Overall my trip to Germany was amazing and educational, not only in circus arts but in culture. I would love to go again in two more years and do it all again.

Visit Joey’s blog to learn more about his experience with Circus Mojo at Cincinnati Children’s.

George’s Story: Germany 2016

George is a freshman at Thomas B. Doherty High School in Colorado Springs and a fifteen-year-old acrobat whose dynamic  flips wowed the crowds in Germany. He traveled with us as a guest artist from Salida Circus. Billed as “Colorado’s most unique circus troupe,” Salida Circus has a professional troupe along with social circus outreach development, which makes them a perfect partner for both Circus Mojo and Circus Pimparello.

 

When my boss, Jennifer, from Salida Circus got the text from Paul about Germany, I wasn’t sure how to feel. I was hesitant to join a Kentucky circus that was a three-hour flight from my home and then take another flight to Europe. Getting the chance to go to Germany was amazing, though, even if I was nervous.

It was a pain in the butt getting to Germany, yet it all paid off in the end. I improved my ball juggling and tumbling and matured quite a bit. A few of my funniest stories have come from this trip, ranging from getting a bad haircut to slipping in the mud and accidentally eating some. The point is that not only does the trip here benefit my skills, my trade,and my maturity but it also has taught me important values and life lessons, all while having fun.

What I’ve noticed about Circus Mojo and Circus Pimparello members is that all of them are young people who are getting the opportunities they need to work and learn in an expressive outlet–CIRCUS! This is a rarity in today’s world. I’m glad to be a part of such an important project and hope to participate again.    

 

Shay’s and Liam’s Story: Germany 2016

The Sweeney brothers, Shay and Liam, each tell about their second adventure to Germany with Circus Mojo.

Shay is a senior at St. Henry’s High School who earned a perfect score on his ACT, an obvious result of his brain’s increased gray matter from juggling. Bound for the Ivy League, he decided to run away with us to Circus Pimparello for one more summer.

I’m thrilled to be back at Pimparello again after two years. Germany is very much like I remember it, but this trip feels like a fresh new experience. When I arrived here on the first day, I was overjoyed to see the beautiful Circus Haus, the stunning performance tents, and even the now hairless alpacas. The forests surrounding Pimparello are gorgeous and the stars at night are crystal clear, but I was most excited to catch up with all the friends I left behind two years ago and forge new friendships that span oceans and continents.

 

Being here makes me realize the power that art has to bring people with different languages, different cultures, and different ideas together as a team. These people and this art truly demonstrate the meaning of social circus and make it much easier to tolerate the less comfortable aspects of life at Pimparello, such as the cold mornings and the schnecken.

My time here has taught me many valuable lessons in teamwork, understanding, and friendship. My best wishes go out to Sven and his incredible social circus. He certainly deserves a peaceful rest in Dominica after twenty years of working to change the world for the better.

Liam is a sophomore at St. Henry’s High School who shares his brother’s aptitude for learning and  juggling, but as you will read, he definitely has his own written voice, personal charm, and point of view. 

This is Liam coming at you from Rapenhoff, Germany, on the bus ride back to Circartive Pimparello. Today, Tuesday, August 16, 2016, was a performance day. We left camp early this morning and headed to perform in front of the Cathedral in Ulm. We set up for the show and preformed the acts that we’ve been creating and learning for the past two weeks. After the show, we broke into groups and headed into Ulm with an opportunity to shop. Now we are headed back to camp for dinner.

These past two weeks have been a lot of fun for everyone. During the first week, we trained with kids from all over Europe in the Bausteine, giving us the eligibility to teach circus skills in Europe. During the European Youth Camp, we met a lot of people we will always remember and created memories that will last the rest of our lives, whether it be taking classes, dancing at parties, or staying up late at the campfires. Then the week came to a close and our groups went separate ways. Those who stayed at Circartive Pimparello prepared the camp for the children who would soon become our students.

As we started week two, each of the teamers (counselors) received a tent to care for with a fellow teamer. The real work began. Starting Monday, each of us took on two classes, which we taught with a German teamer. I taught club juggling and ball juggling, Shay taught balance and diabolo, Marilyn taught chair/table acrobatics and lyra, Tate taught stilts and tight wire, George taught dynamic acrobatics and dance acrobatics, and Julia taught silks and German wheel. During this week, we taught our campers our skills and helped them create acts, and at the end of the week, we started performances. We have performed at Schwäbisch Hall, Ulm Cathedral, the Circus Haus, and for the families of the campers. We have also had fun, themed days like Renaissance Day, where we dressed up as people from the Middle Ages and had a Middle Age market, and American Day, where we cooked and had burgers and milkshakes. Now we are almost back to the camp. This is Liam, signing off.  ~xoxo~